Sometimes I find myself in such a state of elation, overflowing with joy and excitement, that I just need to pour it out to calm myself down. Tonight after small group, I felt happier than I have in a long time for no apparent reason, so I figured that was God’s way of telling me it was time for another blog. I haven’t written much in a while because we aren’t really doing anything for our infertility situation. We are actually getting our house in Birmingham ready to sell (on the market by Saturday…Yay!) and making the permanent transition to Saint Simons Island, GA later this summer. We’re so excited to make this move and really feel God leading us there.
With regards to our family building, our doctor in Birmingham has basically said there is nothing more she can test me for. Now it’s just experimenting with drugs and seeing if any of them work (cue requisite eye-narrowing…). Obviously “experimenting” with our children doesn’t sit well with Type-A me, so we’re seeking a second opinion from a doctor out in Colorado before we attempt another transfer. We have a phone consult with him on July 8 and hope he can either recommend more testing or cutting-edge drug regimens, or tell us that indeed there is nothing more to do. Once we talk with him, we plan to attempt one more transfer sometime this fall. If it doesn’t work, we’ll seriously consider using a surrogate to carry our remaining embryos. We want to do what’s best for them, even if it’s not in me.
It’s hard to make decisions so far in advance since we don’t know what our emotions and circumstances will entail, but God has proven time and time again that He’s guiding us and giving us everything we need to make good decisions. All we can do is continue to trust His plan for all this. He’s brought us to the point where infertility no longer feels like a burden; it’s just something on the agenda, like selling the house and moving, traveling the world, going to the gym, etc. I’m so thankful He’s taken away the hinderance of infertility so we can just live joyfully. We are also starting to look into the adoption process and discussing domestic vs international, closed vs open, ethnicity, etc. The more we talk about adoption the more excited I get. I truly believe we would be wonderful adoptive parents and if God calls us to that I know He will equip us for anything He brings our way.
Mostly it feels like Michael and I are finally getting out of God’s way. He no longer has to trudge through our quicksand of desires, impatience, self-righteousness, negative attitudes, and ideas for how we think things should be. We know God is all powerful and could force us into His plan with less effort than it takes to lift a feather, but He wants us to choose Him of our own free will. He wants children who love Him, not ones who come grudgingly and rebel at first chance. Moving to Saint Simons for Michael’s golf and entertaining ideas of surrogacy and adoption feels like we’re no longer fighting God. We’re opening our minds to all options, choosing His plan and giving up our own. Our deepest desires are for me and Michael to use our God-given talents to spread God’s message of love and forgiveness and to have a family. How those goals are accomplished is completely up to God.
2 Corinthians 4: 16-17, Psalm 37: 23-24, Proverbs 3: 5-6, Psalm 55:22
Cedar N' Steel 