Cedar N' Steel

It started with a pink mat and a video from Target, because most of my new endeavors start with something from Target. I did that video over and over again to get used to the different movements and my pink mat dulled and frayed from the efforts of my hands and feet. My first class happened in Albuquerque, my cousin convincing me to go with her because her friend was teaching it. A sporadic mixture of videos, books, classes and self-made-up flows later, I find myself leaving a 90 minute hot yoga class that several years ago I would’ve scoffed at. “Only crazy people willingly choose to sweat profusely while contorting their bodies into God know’s what positions, surrounded by at least 20 other people, all smelly, all at different levels, also sweating profusely.” I am now one of those yogis…

People avoid yoga because they don’t think it’ll challenge them. They think it’s too slow, too easy, too boring, too girly. Others avoid it because they don’t think they’re flexible enough. Our culture craves excitement and adrenaline, and yoga offers neither. Yoga is purposely slow and methodical, asking you to move gradually and fluidly from one pose to the next at the direction of the teacher. Don’t move ahead, stick to the practice. That’s why I think we all need it so much. Being still, especially when we’re uncomfortable, is the most difficult thing we can face and that’s exactly what yoga teaches; how to remain still, silent, resolute, and most importantly calm while maintaining sometimes easy, but often challenging situations.

The thing I love most about yoga is how it exposes my greatest weaknesses, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Physically, it’s shown me how tight my hips, hamstrings, calves, shoulders and wrists are. I feel the weakness in my back when I’m in Locust pose, and the fatigue in arms and shoulders when attempting Dolphin or Crow. I feel my strength and endurance waning when I transition through standing poses without a break. Mentally, it’s shown me just how distracted I can get when comparing my level of practice to those around me. I’ve learned how much my mental state affects my physical performance and how negative I can be about myself and my situation. It’s highlighted my fears. Spiritually, God has revealed how much I put my faith in how I look, how other people view me, how much worry and doubt affect my trust in Him. For me, it’s harder than any other form of exercise because it exposes the things I hate most about myself and challenges me to address them head on.

For anyone who’s ever taken a yoga class, you know that the teacher is always asking us to return to our breath. Each class starts with us focusing on our breathing, deep inhale, deep slow exhale. The instructor reminds us periodically throughout the class, especially when he or she perceives us in a particularly arduous position, to return to the breath. Inhale, exhale. He or she takes us through the practice chosen for that day, leading us through a series of situations meant to challenge, change, strengthen, stretch, sometimes rest, but mostly grow. We’re not to move ahead, though we can stop and rest in Child’s pose at any time; we’re to follow the commands of the teacher and return to the breath whenever we feel challenged. Inhale, exhale, and stick with it until teacher tells us to move on.

Oftentimes, the instructor asks me to hold a pose longer than my physical body thinks it’s capable of. Quads burn, sweat drips, limbs shake, breathing shallows, and all I want to do is move on to the next posture…doesn’t matter what it is, I just want to move because staying still in such a difficult position hurts too much. My brain asks when will it end. I find myself praying constantly during yoga. “Please God help me hold this position. Please don’t let me break my neck attempting this. Please God tell the teacher to move on.” Yet the teacher remains silent, asking us to remain still and calm in the challenging pose, saying only one thing, “Breathe, inhale, exhale.”

We humans seek comfort whenever possible. It’s completely understandable since we were made for a gloriously perfect Heaven, yet we live here on Earth where difficult awful things happen. No one’s immune to hardships, Christian or not. I often think challenges hit Christians hardest because we know God exists and could change our situation in the blink of an eye. He could move us on to the next pose, but He chooses not to, allowing us to remain in painful circumstances. He’s silent while we burn and sweat and shake and gasp for the sweet relief of a more joyful, restful season. Sometimes He reminds us to return to the breath, inhale and exhale, but be still until He decides it’s time to move on. No matter how much we fight, physically and mentally, He wishes for us to stay exactly where He has us. We can choose to take a break and go our own way, but we then delay the end of the practice, which He intends to take us to eventually.

What we don’t realize is while we’re so focused on how we feel about the situation, our God is silently watching us change, grow, strengthen, stretch, and persevere. He planned this entire journey around that very goal. He won’t let us move on until He’s accomplished the purpose He intended with that specific situation. Warrior one for strength, stamina, and heart opening, Dolphin for courage and upper body strength, Tree for balance and peace, Child’s pose for rest, Twists for spinal health and detoxification; there’s a reason for every pose and each practice is specifically created to accomplish a purpose only the teacher knows. Sometimes He expects us to remain in a situation beyond what we think we can handle, but if we return to the breath, it’ll give us what we need to endure.

The first thing God did for mankind when He created us was breathe life into us. After God brought order to the Heavens and Earth, Genesis 2:7 says “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” He gave us what we needed for life. He continues to give us what we need for life, especially when we call on Him in challenging circumstances. Instead of asking for Him to remove me from the difficulty, I’ve learned to ask for the experience of His supernatural strength, peace, endurance, contentment, and joy while I remain within the pose of infertility. Nothing’s changed about the situation, but I have. God breathed His own characteristics into me which have allowed me to live within the storm. Sometimes I rage and cry out in anguish, but I always return to Him. Inhale God, Exhale myself.

Our only task is to listen, trust, follow the teacher’s commands, do our best, not give up, work on remaining mentally calm no matter how difficult things get, and return to the breath when we start to feel our physical, mental, and spiritual beings spiraling out of control. The breath takes our mind off the circumstances, the breath simplifies what we’re being asked to do, the breath gives us what we need to complete the journey. God is the breath. Inhale and accept oxygen, fresh clean fuel; exhale and release carbon dioxide, useless waste. Inhale strength, exhale tension, inhale peace, exhale doubt, inhale joy, exhale worry, inhale acceptance, exhale judgement. Inhale God, exhale Satan. Only the teacher knows the purpose of the practice; we just have to show up. Remain calm within the storm, knowing the teacher has everything under control.