Cedar N' Steel

Dear Non-Believer,

Some of you I know personally, people in my close circle. Others I’ve never met, but I know you exist. Some of you have questions about whether God exists, why you should believe in Him. Others want nothing to do with Him and avoid all reminders and mentions of Him. Others simply can’t comprehend believing in something we can’t see or feel. And others have been wounded so deeply as to have given up on Him altogether. No matter the reason, you’re saying No to Him. You’d rather do things on your own, thank you very much.

I get it. I used to be you. I grew up going to church, and am today thankful that my parents exposed me to God, but I just thought it was something to check off my weekly to-do list. I didn’t think God was that important. I didn’t pray, I didn’t worship, I didn’t have faith, my life didn’t reflect His influence in any way. Think about today’s American teenager and I was her. Heavily influenced by friends and the desire to be “cool”, I did stuff I shouldn’t have. And you know what? My life was pretty good. I succeeded in academics, succeeded in athletics, and generally had no problems. I didn’t feel the need to change. I felt in control. Why mess with a good thing?

Such was 19 years of my life until 2004, when God used a failed relationship with an atheist to bring me to Him. I had no idea or intention of turning my life over to God on December 5, 2004, but when my boyfriend dumped me, God looked at me and said “It’s time.” He saw an opening and moved right in. It was right around Christmas that my relationship ended and in my despair God lead me to a small church near Tulane’s campus where a lack-luster rendition of “O Come O Come Emmanuel” pierced my heart so profoundly, I spent the rest of the service weeping alone in the last pew. I think for the first time in my entire life, my soul silently said “God help me.” Little did I know the work God had in store for my life.

Since that day, it’s not been a perfect paved road of trust, righteousness, and purity. I’ve slipped back into old habits, given up on God and returned, questioned, doubted, hoped, despaired, rejoiced, suffered, succeeded, and failed. I’ve turned away from God many many times, wanting things to work out the way I think is best for me. At times, I’ve thought “what’s the point?” Can’t I just live a good life and be nice to people and do things that make me happy?  I thought that too and it wasn’t a Christian leader, or my Christian parents, or my Christian friends, or a Christian song or book that changed my mind. God used an atheist to turn my thoughts towards Him. God will use anything to reach a soul.

It started when God said “It’s time,” and I said “OK.” I had no idea what I had agreed to. Becoming a follower of Christ isn’t a switch that you flip and then suddenly you live a life full of happiness and success. That’s what most new Christians believe, that following God means life will be perfect from now on. I think God allows that experience at the beginning of our journey so we get a glimpse of what Heaven will be like for those who believe. But what I really agreed to when I chose to follow Christ was a life of refinement. God’s intention for our lives is to break us of all things not of Him and re-build us into the perfect human creation He intended when He made Adam and Eve before the Fall. It’s a lifelong process. It’s hard. I think that’s why a lot of people choose not to believe; they don’t want to give up things they think they like, not knowing the freedom that comes when we’re no longer slaves to our vices.

The most important change I’ve experienced as a believer is the new perspective I have because of God’s influence. Not that I need to be happy, entertained, and successful all the time to have the good life, but that all my experiences, joy and suffering, success and failure, exciting and mundane, relationships with believers and non-believers, all things I go through are to transform me into the person God needs for a very specific part of His plan for our world. I am infertile. I will probably never carry a baby. What has caused much pain and suffering in my life has grown me into a much different person than I was before. God’s making me useful for something He has planned. For that reason, I rejoice and am thankful for my suffering, knowing it’s part of God’s plan to make me my best self.

This is what I desire for you, non-believer. I want you to have a happy successful life, but more importantly I want you to become your best self, to become the person God had in mind before you were even conceived by your parents, even if that requires suffering and discipline like it does for me. All my interactions with you will be working towards this goal. I’ve experienced God’s work in my life and I desperately want that for you. I don’t want to preach, or force, or pressure, or order God into you. Our natural instinct towards subjugation is rebellion. It’s not me who changes hearts anyway, it’s God. I must defer to His power to reach you no matter how far you’ve run from Him and trust He knows what He’s doing. All I can do is pray and try to set an example of God’s love with my life.

This letter to you is not a lesson in apologetics, where I lay out all the evidence we’ve found pointing towards an all powerful, supernatural God. I don’t know enough about that stuff yet to effectively write about it. This isn’t a sermon preaching about Heaven and hell, trying to guilt trip you into believing. I’m not even asking you to turn your life over to God, though if you want to right now He’s ready and waiting for you to open that door for Him like I did in 2004. This letter is simply an acknowledgement that I can understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been where you are with the same questions, doubts, intellectual arguments, suffering, avoidance tactics, and misunderstandings, often turned off by the actions and words of Christians themselves. You have every right to choose not to believe in God. Ironically, it’s God Himself who gave you that right.

All I wanted to do with this letter is to let you know how much I love you, how often I pray for you. You are foremost on my list of prayers because I can’t imagine a Heaven without you. I desire for all people everywhere to know the one true God and I believe only He can restore peace where chaos abounds. One person at a time, I’ll try to love those I come in contact with, pointing them towards Him with my words, actions, and prayers.

God loves you, even if you don’t love Him. He wants you as part of His family, but will remain silent in your life if that’s what you want. However, know that He is always looking for an open door, for a sliver of light, for any sign you might be ready for Him. I take comfort in the fact that He can use any situation, thing and person, religious or secular, to bend a heart towards Him at any point in time. I don’t have to do it all by myself and I don’t have to see the fruits of my labor. He inspires my efforts and partners with His own unseen, vastly more effective work.

Dear Non-Believer, I hope and pray you believe one day. Whenever that day comes, whatever the circumstance, when God says “It’s Time,” I hope you have the recognition, courage, and wisdom to say “OK.”

With Love,

Rachel

Ephesians 4:22-24, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 3:5-7