It’s been about a month since I last wrote and in that time, Michael and I have been preparing our hearts, our home, and our family and friends for the new addition to our little family. We still haven’t gotten the process started in terms of filling out paperwork or doing our homestudy yet because we haven’t officially been Georgia residents for 6 months, a requirement to adopt in Georgia. However, that doesn’t mean we’ve been sitting idly by.
Michael and I have been reading, talking about our parenting styles, reaching out to other adoptive families about their experiences and advice, researching agencies and lawyers and consultants, observing other Godly parents in how they interact and discipline their children, asking advice from other tour families about how they travel and what products they use, and spending time with our friends’ children to see how their little minds work at different ages. I’ve also started some sewing and stitching projects for our future little one. We’ve been relatively busy despite finding ourselves momentarily stalled in the family building process.
We tell everyone we know and anyone who asks if we have children that we are going to adopt. And all have been absolutely effusive in their excitement for us, congratulating us, hugging us, and promising to pray for us! People have shared their own stories of adoption, stories of people they know who’ve adopted, and how adoption is the perfect example of the Gospel. Friends talk about how our little one may be growing in someone’s tummy right now and how excited they are to see the children God has planned for us. We could not ask for better friends and family who have really embraced our new path and plan to encourage and walk along side us. It’s even sparked conversations about how the process works and people have come out of the woodwork expressing their own desires to adopt someday. We love that we are already encouraging other brothers and sisters in Christ to consider adoption and hope to pave the way for them!
God did not cause me to be infertile. Infertility is a product of the Fall, of the disobedience of Adam and Eve that all humans inherited, of the brokenness of this world, of the sinful nature of humans. When God created the first man and woman, He intended for all people everywhere to be able to “be fruitful and multiply.” But the Fall brought barrenness into the world, among other things like disease, natural disasters, and hunger. I don’t blame God for my infertility. I don’t blame anyone actually, not even myself. Honestly, since we’ve ended our IVF journey, I’ve hardly even thought about infertility. We’re thankful to have a Heavenly Father who walked beside us through those painful times, wept with us, carried us, strengthened us, and used our suffering to grow and mature us and teach us about who He is.
We have no idea what our children will look like. We have no idea what their personalities will be like. We have no idea of the circumstances of their conceptions. We have no idea what prenatal care the birth moms will seek. We have no idea what kind of heritage our children will come from. We have no idea when our children will arrive. We have no idea if we will be present for the births or get our children days, weeks or months later. We have no idea if our children will have special needs. We have no idea where our children will geographically come from. We have no idea at all how this adoption process will play out. We don’t know anything about our children and can’t even predict anything about our children. God has made us completely dependent on Him to bring children to our family for us to raise for Him. The only thing we can control is whether we say Yes or No to His calling. Whether we trust Him enough to bring the children He needs for us to parent for Him. For a lot of people that all sounds really scary. Control…we want control, especially over something as precious and important as building our family.
I’ll be very honest though… Thinking about how little control we have is really refreshing. After the crushing weight and sadness of multiple IVF failures, giving up control is freeing. NOT having control actually makes us smile. It wells up excitement and joy and light, not anxiety and fear. It doesn’t scare us because of what we DO know…
We know God is good. We know God loves us. We know God never changes. We know God is faithful to complete His work in me and Michael. We know God loves and values and has a destiny for all beings, alive and walking on Earth or just a cluster of cells in the womb. We know God is in control of our family. We know God has already written the stories of our children’s lives in His history. We know God has used adopted beings for extraordinary destinies (umm…hello Moses, Joseph, Esther, and Jesus??). We know God has a plan beyond our understanding. We know we can trust God. That’s all we need to know.
Infertility is a fact of our life and Michael and I can either dwell on it, seek pity, and feel bitter and depressed about our situation, or we can use it for something good. We can either shrivel up and cower in fear and anxiety, which is what Satan wants, or we can carry our cross daily and fight for the world God envisioned when He created it. Those who’ve put our faith and trust in the hope of Christ are adopted Children of God. We carry God’s DNA, and God equips His children as warriors with Heavenly weapons to do battle daily against the evil that surrounds us. It seems God’s called us to battle the effects of infertility and abortion by building a family through the selfless love of adoption.
Adoption is not strange to God. Actually to Him, it’s rather mundane. He does it every day. He sees a child in need and He goes to them and says “you are now part of my Holy family.” Simple as that if we accept His offer and allow Him to parent us. Adoption is not a second best option. Adoption is not a last resort. Adoption is simply one of many equally perfect and beautiful ways of creating a family. Adoption is not about me and Michael “saving” children from a bad circumstance. On the outside it may look like that, but it’s something infinitely deeper. It’s us saying “somewhere out there are children who need us. Birth families who need us. Let’s do what we can with what God’s given us. Let’s show them how God loves them.”
Adoption creates a family of people who need each other to grow and thrive and love and laugh and cry as we do life together. They will be our children simply because God will need us to parent them, no matter anyone’s biology. It creates a situation for us to LIVE the Gospel, not just talk it. It mirrors here on Earth how God doesn’t look at biology or DNA when He creates His family. He doesn’t only take the flawless ones who look and act like Him; He takes anyone, no matter what they look like or what they’ve done. All are equally loved and desired by God. A family isn’t just created by blood, a family is created by LOVE.
John 1:12, Matthew 18:5, Romans 8:16-18, 1 Samuel 1:27
Cedar N' Steel 