Cedar N' Steel

Wow Wow Wow!! Thank you all so much for the positive feedback about this blog! I am so encouraged by everyone’s support and can’t wait to dive into writing! I’m excited to see the work He does through this project. Please share the website with anyone and everyone. We all need to hear about God’s love!

I promised to enlighten ya’ll about what we’ve experienced so far, so this blog post serves to bring everyone up-to-date. Again, our decisions are no better or worse than anyone else’s. These are just facts. And I plan to hold nothing back about the details of our journey.

Michael and I have fond memories of the tournament in Tampa because in March of 2012, that’s where we decided to start trying for a baby. No drama about whether we were ready, finances, life goals, etc. We just dove right in. It took 4 months before something happened and in June 2012, the double pink line told us we were pregnant! However, from the beginning I started having bleeding and cramping, and my OB at the time told me I was miscarrying. This was a couple of weeks before the British Open, which Michael was an alternate for, and my OB said since there was nothing to be down about the miscarriage, I was free to travel over to England.

I continued to have problems in England and on the flight from England to Canada for the Canadian Open, I experienced blinding, nauseating pain in my right abdomen, which continued for the duration of the 8 hour flight. We arrived in Canada and Michael took me to the nearest hospital where I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. I was admitted and had emergency surgery, where they were able to save my right fallopian tube. My first ever surgery and anesthesia experience was in Canada.

When I arrived back home, I had tests done to look at my fallopian tubes and was told that the left side was completely deformed, which I was probably born with, but my right side where the ectopic had been was open. So we decided to continue trying on our own for a while before seeking fertility help. And I never went back to that OB again.

Fast forward to January 2014, and after many months of heartbreak, we decided to seek fertility help. Tests revealed that Michael was normal (yay!), but now both my fallopian tubes were completely closed and deformed. Our only option for biological children was In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). In order to improve the chance of IVF success, my doctor recommended removing my fallopian tubes to create a better chemical environment in my uterus for potential babies. So in April 2014, I had surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. I figured they were useless anyway.

Then in June 2014 we began the IVF process, which involves Michael providing a semen sample, and me taking hormones to develop eggs to be harvested, called an egg retrieval. For me, it meant taking pills and injecting hormones into my tummy for 2 weeks, during which the ovaries swelled up. The goal was to mature as many eggs as possible. Once the eggs reached a certain level they sedated me and use a needle with a catheter to take them out of my ovaries. From this retrieval we ended up with 18 mature eggs.

Once the eggs were harvested, they immediately fertilized 10 with Michael’s sample, freezing the remaining eggs, and waited to see how many would develop to the blastocyst stage, the stage at which they can be used for transfer. We ended up with 2 embryos from the 10 eggs. The rest did not develop. 5 days after the retrieval, in mid-July, they transferred the 2 embryos into my uterus. And then we waited.

Nine days later, exactly 2 years since my ectopic pregnancy, I found out I was pregnant. We shared the good news with everyone who had been praying for us. I still had to take hormones to maintain the pregnancy, so it was as shock when at our first ultrasound at 6 weeks, there was nothing in there. My doctor called it a chemical pregnancy and took me off the hormones to allow my body to return to normal.

We decided to fertilize the remaining 8 eggs in September 2014, and again ended up with 2 embryos, which they transferred. This time we told absolutely NO ONE what we were doing, not even our parents. 2 days after the transfer I started feeling significant nausea that progressively got worse, and at the 9 days blood test, my HCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels were enormous. It turns out both embryos decided to stick around. A few days later, I started bleeding heavily and passed a fist sized clot (sorry I know TMI, but remember, facts, and this is something that I will always remember). When I had my ultrasound at 6 weeks, I already knew it wouldn’t show anything. It seemed my body was quite capable of accepting a pregnancy, but couldn’t sustain it.

Since we were out of eggs, we decided to take time off and scheduled our next egg retrieval for January 2015. In October 2014, however, my doctor ordered a test called a Thrombosis Profile, which looks at genetic markers for clotting issues and other chromosomal abnormalities. The results showed that I was heterozygous (only one abnormal gene) for the MTHFR gene, and also heterozygous 4G/5G for PAI-1, which is a clotting factor. I know most of your eyes have probably glazed over, but essentially this means when I get pregnant, the tiny blood vessels that begin to grow in the placenta form clots, cutting off blood supply to the developing baby (the PAI-1 abnormality), and also my body is not able to process and utilize synthetic man-made forms of B vitamins (like Folic Acid, which is different from natural Folate; the MTHFR mutation).

Armed with more information, I was put on a whole host of supplements to overcome the MTHFR issue, taking a prenatal with only the natural, found-in-food forms of B vitamins, and also started taking a baby aspirin for the clotting issue (which only becomes an issue when I’m pregnant).

In February 2015, I underwent another egg retrieval. They retrieved 16 mature eggs, and after fertilizing them all this time, we ended up with 8 embryos. We had all 8 biopsied (where they take a couple of cells), and then frozen. We had the biopsied cells tested for chromosomal abnormalities and found that 4 were completely normal, 2 were inconclusive, and 2 had complex chromosomal deletions and abnormalities and were not viable.

That is where we stand at this point in time. We have 6 healthy embryos frozen and ready to become our family. So, where do we go from here? In April, we will do our next embryo transfer. They will transfer 2 into my uterus, we’ll wait 9 days to see if they take. If I become pregnant I will immediately begin twice a day heparin injections in the tummy (a blood thinner), in addition to once a day hormone injections in the butt, and all my daily supplements and pills. The injections will continue until I reach the second trimester, at which time the blood vessels of the placenta are big enough to handle any small clots that form.

I know this post sounds very un-emotional and blasé, but the rest of the blog is for sharing my spiritual journey through this whole process. It’s been an arduous season, still with no clear outcome or time frame. However I know God has been with us the entire time, crying when I cried, providing strength when my heart and mind cracked. I’ve decided that this season has become the most beautiful time of my life.

The process of starting a family has been an unexpected journey, but we look forward to the family God has in mind for us, remembering how far we’ve come to attain it. And God continues to remind us that He is the one who creates life, no matter what He uses to create it. We are thankful for our struggles, and thankful for those who support us as we continue forward. Life is so much more precious, when you see it from God’s point of view.

Romans 5:3-4, James 1: 2-4, Proverbs 16:9, Psalm 37:23