Cedar N' Steel

It’s been a few weeks, so I figure it’s time for a quick update. God has been so amazing during these times of rest between IVF events. Between each transfer or doctors appointment, we’ve always had a few months to recover physically and psychologically to gear up for the next wave. I call these IVF Half-Times. This half-time has been full of activity as we travel, try to sell our house, move to Saint Simons, and get settled into our new island life.

We had a phone conversation a few weeks ago with a doctor in Colorado, seeking a second opinion before we attempt another transfer with the embryos we have frozen. Our doctor in Alabama intimated that there was nothing more she could do in terms of testing and treatment, other than trying drugs and seeing if they work. Various events led us to seek advice from the doctor in Colorado and we are so thankful that we did.

He started by having me go through our extensive history chronologically in my own words and then went through his ideas and recommendations step-by-step, using the medical record I had sent him. He validated a lot of what our Alabama doctor had done already, including removing my fallopian tubes early on (something I had always questioned), so that made us feel very good. He was professional and focused in his delivery of information, which Michael and I both appreciated. Finally a doctor who fits my blunt no-nonsense personality.

Basically, he thinks the embryos we have frozen are just too stressed from everything we’ve had to do to them. He’s not optimistic about any of them working, no matter what we do. It’s good to have the information that we have from them, but he told us not to have any expectations for them and that it wouldn’t matter whether we put them in me or a gestational carrier. He also questioned the drug regimen our Alabama doctor used to stimulate my ovaries for the egg retrieval. Because I have polycystic ovaries (I produce A LOT of eggs each month), the quality of my eggs is decreased compared to a normal woman. He recommended a different stimulation drug regimen to increase the quality of my eggs rather than the quantity.

So what’s our plan from here? We will attempt two more transfers with our remaining 4 embryos before we switch to the new doctor’s practice in Colorado. We won’t use a gestational carrier for any of our current embryos. We aren’t convinced it would make a difference and we don’t want to put someone else through the pain and agony of a miscarriage. I’ve done it 3 times now…I can take it. I won’t put that on someone else.

Once we’ve exhausted all our embryos with our current doctor, we plan to do at least one cycle with the doctor in Colorado before we think about either using a gestational carrier or switching to adoption. We aren’t sure of the timing of it all yet, but that’s our plan. Currently, however, we are completely focused on selling our house, finishing this PGA season, and getting moved to Saint Simons Island, GA.

How are we doing emotionally? EXCELLENT!! It’s sad to feel like we’re giving up on our remaining embryos, but we aren’t really. We’re still going to do everything we can think of to give them their best chance. Our doctor in Alabama has some things to try and maybe one of them will work. However, the conversation with our Colorado doctor has completely eliminated our expectations for them. HOW FREEING!!! If we get a baby (or more) from these 4 embryos, it’s a bonus. If not, then it’s what was expected. Hopefully, the failures won’t hurt so much and the successes will be that much sweeter. Michael and I are so excited for this new plan, even though it means another year or longer of infertility treatments. Thankfully we’re still very young to be going through all this. Our marriage continues to grow stronger and each step we take brings us closer to starting a family. We can’t help but feel so thankful and encouraged at this point in our journey.

Life still goes on, even when you’re going through something hard. You don’t need to alleviate suffering in order to live. Life isn’t meant to be easy and happy all the time. People who are constantly searching for the next thing to make them happy never learn to stick with what they’ve got and make it work. They never learn to deal with adversity and hardship. They never feel comfortable with being uncomfortable. When you can find a way to enjoy life in the midst of difficulty and suffering, you’ve truly succeeded.