Cedar N' Steel

Dear Future Child,

You may or may not exist yet in this world, but you have already lived your entire life in God’s book. He knows when you’re born, how your life goes, and when you die. He’s not seen fit to bring us together yet, but I know and trust with all my heart that someday He will. We wonder where you’ll come from, whether from my tummy or someone else’s. We wonder what you’ll look like, whether it’s some composite of me and Michael or entirely devoid of our biological influence. However, we don’t get caught up in the details of how you’ll come to us anymore. We’re simply thankful that someday you will.

Your daddy and I have struggled to have children for the past 4 years, but I think instead of debilitating us, this time of suffering has grown us more into the kind of parents you need. We communicate better, work as a team towards our future, and challenge each other to be the best versions of ourselves possible. Marriage uncovers the worst parts of a person, and daddy and I are committed to pushing each other closer to God because we feel the more we understand and love our Heavenly Father, the better equipped we are to love each other and you.

First, I want you to know that we love you without even knowing you yet. For love doesn’t depend on a feeling, but endures with a choice. To love is to choose to treat people as Jesus does, with joy, patience, kindness, forgiveness, discipline, humility, and endurance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” We pray God gives us the wisdom and power to love you this way and teach you to love others this way.

We can’t promise you we’ll be perfect. The world tells you to strive for perfection, but perfection is impossible. We humans can’t achieve it. We can’t be the perfect parents. We don’t expect you to be the perfect child. We will fail constantly, we will let you down. You will fail constantly, you will let us down. We won’t be able to satisfy your every need, and you won’t be able to satisfy our needs no matter how long we’ve wished for you. What we can promise, as your parents, is to constantly seek the Lord’s wisdom, pray for you daily, and attempt to parent you the way God parents us.

This world is full of influences, some good, some bad, some we can protect you from, but most we can’t. As much as we wish to shield you from things we think you don’t need, we understand God has complete control and allows things into your life to grow you. We want you to learn to go forth confidently into the world, to desire to make an impact. We pray God gives us discernment in what and who to expose you to and peace knowing He has you safely in the palms of His hands.

That will be the hardest thing for us; to let Him have you to do what He wishes with. You are completely His child, entrusted to us for a pre-destined time. Infertility has trained us to see you that way, not as ours, but His. Whether biological or adopted, He’ll have given you to us, and when He does, our responsibility will be to “train you up in the way you should go,” (Proverbs 22:6), setting a firm foundation to carry you throughout life. The weight of this burden causes anxiety to rise up, but we’ve learned to turn our thoughts to God whenever we feel anxious, knowing He will equip us for whatever He calls us to.

We live in a fallen world, having inherited the sin of the first man and woman. Therefore, suffering and failure are parts of life. We say this not to dishearten you, but to evict from you the notion that life should always be happy. Don’t feel anxious when things don’t go your way. Sometimes it’s a slog to get through the day and you’ll want to give up. Dear child remember James 1:12, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him,” and Ephesians 6:11, “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes,” and having put on this armor, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything,” (James 1:4). Suffering builds character and makes you useful to God more than success. We hope to shield you from suffering, but should it find you we promise to encourage you through it with God’s help.

Our dearest wish is for you to know and experience God. We understand this can only be accomplished by God himself, getting into your heart and bending it towards Him. We can expose you to the church, the Bible, other Christian friends and family members, do everything “right,” and still you may rebel. We understand only God can reach your heart and save you and we pray fervently you find Him early in life. We know He’s already planned your entire life, including when you’ll turn it over to Him, and we praise Him already for that day.

Our goal is simply to nurture your faith and hopefully provide a good example for you with our own lives. Daughter, I hope to model a Godly, wise, confident Proverbs 31:10-31 woman for you, one who loves the Lord completely and isn’t swayed by her circumstances. Son, Daddy hopes to show you what a strong, confident, patient, kind, loving man looks like. By serving each other, we hope to instill in you a servant’s heart, knowing serving others as Jesus did is the highest form of worship. Giving brings more joy than anything we ever receive, apart from salvation.

We want to model a faithful marriage for you so you don’t fear the greatest earthly relationship one can have. Daughter, daddy hopes to show you the kind of man you should seek for marriage someday, a leader confident in his abilities who protects and loves you, but also counts you as equal and helps you achieve your goals. Son, I hope you can find a driven, wise woman who respects you, nurtures your ambitions, refrains from nagging or tearing you down, but always pushes you to be the best man you can be. Most importantly, we want to show you that it can be done. That a marriage can endure, that a person can follow Christ until the end of his or her days when he or she can confidently say like 2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith,” confident, when standing before God, of hearing the words “Well done good and faithful servant.” It CAN be done, despite what the world says. We’ll show you.

We’re so excited to meet you, whenever that happens, and teach you about this beautiful, creative, chaotic, delicious world! We hope to teach you all about sports and art and music. Daddy will show you how to take apart and rebuild a car, create things with tools and wood, and teach you to ride a bike (with mommy close at hand with band-aids and hugs). You’ll learn how to cook and bake things from scratch, read and write epic sagas, and enjoy the outdoors. Aunt Emily’s already planning to teach you all about the world of Harry Potter. Trust me, it’s extremely important.

We’ll also train you to respect your space and possessions by cleaning up, doing your own laundry, and saving money to buy things you want rather than relying on us. Even before knowing you, our goal for you is complete independence from us. We want you to be self-sufficient, confident, goal-oriented, self-disciplined and wise. We’ll always be your safety net when you need help, but don’t think we’ll let you take advantage of us. There will be many seasons to our relationship with you and hopefully we can all transition smoothly from one to the next as we grow older together.

Lastly, we praise our Heavenly Father for all He’s given us up to this point. Even when we didn’t understand what He was doing, God always provided exactly what we needed and it’s only on the other side we realized how wonderfully He carried us through. We praise Him for the good things and the bad, for people who are easy to love and those who take work, for times of happiness and peace and times of chaos and suffering. We thank Him for the people He’s surrounded us with who’ve provided loving support through our season of infertility and can’t wait to share you with them when you find your way to our arms.

We ask God to give us patience for your arrival, wisdom in our decision-making, and endurance for the journey ahead. He’s always provided these things in the past, so I have no doubt He’ll continue as He’s promised. When the season of infertility ends and the season of parenting begins, we pray He guides us steadfastly throughout your life and the lives of your brothers and/or sisters (trust us you won’t be an only child). Until then, however, we continue to pray for you, grow ourselves for you, and build a loving environment to bring you home to. Praise God for YOU!

Our deepest love,

Rachel and Michael, Your Future Parents